I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
