You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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