Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
