I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
