On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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