I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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