Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
