return my video game
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
