we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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