"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
