I want to walk on stilts...naked
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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