foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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