She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
