I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize