Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
