I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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