She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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