Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
