I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
