He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
