I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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