i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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