What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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