there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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