He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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