During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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