Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
