When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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