My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
