If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
