You know, be my cock's hype man.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
