im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
