i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This house was built for laser tag.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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