The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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