I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
