If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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