Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
