I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
