Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
