im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
