I will die if light touches me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
