help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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