I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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