you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
