coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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