I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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