woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
