when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
