I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
