if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
