I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
