am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
