i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
