I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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