yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
