remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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