She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
