just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
