Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
