If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
