Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
