i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I love you.
Bad choice
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