Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
