Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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