I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
