Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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