the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
