dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
