Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
