in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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