she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my sisters under your porch take her home
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize