Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will be naked everywhere
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
