Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
