who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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