haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
