I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize