the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
