Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
